Thursday, April 19, 2012

Rest In Peace My Darling Mindy


It's been little over two weeks since I tragically lost my little lady and I think I am finally okay to write about it. On the afternoon of Tuesday the 3rd of April, I was sitting in my study when the weirdest feeling came over me. I felt a wrenching in my gut and a tickle in my throat. Not knowing what had caused it, I set aside my work and ventured out the front door. I was on my porch, still completely unaware of the reason I had gone outside when I decided to grab something from my car. In that moment, something somewhere forced me to look out onto the road. In that moment my entire world fell apart. My dear kitty Mindy had been hit by a car in some freak accident. I'm going to spare you the details that followed, because they were more than horrific. I was left completely numb for hours...

Now, I have lost loved ones before and experienced grief. But never had I experienced the bodily reaction to traumatic shock. That night was tiresome. Thinking led to sobbing, sobbing led to crying, crying led to choking, choking led to hyperventilating and so on, until I finally calmed down around 3am to actually sleep. The next few days were a roller coaster ride of emotions. I felt guilty and thought up so many "what if" situations. I experienced denial, and every so often I would hear her bells. I was so angry and depressed that I really just could not understand why this had happened!? 

By the end of the week I had started to be honest about these feelings. I began to accept the whirlwind of emotions for what they were. I began to understand the pain and the anger and the guilt, and with that understanding I started working through them. Despite what anyone thought, I knew I had a right to feel the way I was... my baby had been taken away from me and I was completely alone and bereaved. 

I think the turning point was when speaking to a fellow fur mamma, she said "it's so cruel that we fall so in love with these little souls only to outlive them", because this was exactly what I had been thinking!! When asked if I were going to get another Cat (Yes! Some people asked that!?) I would answer so negatively and say "No, they are such high risk pets and I cannot deal with that pain again". But this isn't how one should live their life, safeguarding the pain by foregoing all the pleasure they bring. 

I know now that although her life was cut incredibly short, my family and I gave Mindy the greatest possible chance at living her life. But more than that, she gave us the greatest possible happiness. Her quirky character was so infectious that she brightened every single one of my days. While the horrific details of that Tuesday afternoon still creep into my sleep, I'm slowly starting to replace them with all the wonderful ones. Each time I walk past her beautiful urn I think of the times we used to chase one another through the house, or how often she would terrorise the garden of lizards out the front. I can remember the really odd noise she used to make when you asked her if she wanted dinner, or how whenever the internet was down it was because she decided to take a nap on the modem. I still miss her so, but I know her beautiful spirit is still here with me somewhere.


Rest in Peace my darling Mindy. 

19 comments:

  1. She is so lovely.
    My heart truly hurts for you reading this... I couldn’t imagine.
    I lost my kitten, Pepper of a terrible disease she was born with at just 12 weeks old. It wouldn’t have mattered if she was with us for 12 weeks, or 12 years, she totally stole my heart!
    It does get easier, soon all that will be left will be the GOOD memories! I know you’ve got a lot of kitten love to give.
    Your fellow crazy cat lady.
    xxx

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    1. Thank you lady! You're right it doesn't matter how long they are with you, they are still your baby. It is much easier now though, and I know one day fate will bless me with a new kitty to rescue xo

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  2. Oh hunny. What an awful thing to experience. I'm so sorry for your loss, having furbabies is best & sadly worst thing we can ever experience & your friends comment is so true. You're so brave to write about this & I am thinking of you & hoping that each day it gets a little easier, lots of love xox

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    1. Thanks Eirryn! So lovely to hear from you!! x

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  3. Im so very sorry for your loss. Your Mindy reminds me so much of my cat Mary which we've had for almost 18 years. Thanks so much for sharing your story with us, and hope that you feel better soon. xx

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    1. Thank you Christie. It took a while to be okay with telling it to, well the world potentially, but things are looking up! Thanks again xo

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  4. I truly feel for you, and am so sorry for your loss. I have little fur babies myself and the thought of outliving them is absolutely terrifying.

    You are being very brave and I hope that some sunshine comes out for you soon!

    Sharleena xx

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    1. Thank you for your kindness Sharleena xo

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  5. Aw bless you. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is horrible to lose pets but especially in that way. Sadly my childhood home is very close to a main road and it happened on more than one occasion. Usually involving our neighbours that live on the road bringing our little ones to our door in a box. Very sad. I felt just as sad when my little hamster died - which sounds ridiculous, but you really do love them so much and dealing with any kind of loss is hard.

    Glad you can talk about it now. Virtual hugs coming your way xxx

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    1. Oh I couldn't imagine it happening more than once that is terrible! And you're right though, it doesn't matter how small or what creature it is, one is not more capable of forming a bond with you than another. They all matter... Im sorry for your loss as well. Thanks for your sweetness xo

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  6. no, no, no, no meaning so, so, so sad, that your mindy had to go, go, go, in such a heartbreaking way, though anyway at all would be heartbreaking. i'm sorry kaisha darling. i'm sure your life was better because you had known her love.

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    1. Teddi! Oh how I've missed you during my absence! Thank you so much for your kind words, it really means a lot! xo

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  7. I am SO sorry for you. I know how hard it is to lose a pet in such a painful way. Only time can heal the hurt. And, oh, does it ever hurt. Hugs to you. She was a beautiful kitty.

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    1. Thank you Jo. She definitely was a pretty little lady! xo

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  8. I'm so sorry for your loss, I can definitely understand how sad you must feel! When I was little, our cat got killed by the next door neighbour's dog and I still feel sad about it! Mindy looks like a beautiful kitty and I hope you are okay!

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    1. Sorry for the late reply lady, but thank you for your kindness. She was the loveliest kitty :)

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  9. I'm so so sorry to hear about your kitty. Gosh, trust me, I know how you feel. I had a kitty die in a house fire 2 years ago and I constantly go over the "what ifs" in my head, even to this day. It's an awful, awful feeling losing a pet. I didn't go to work for almost a week. I felt like my whole world was in shambles.

    Healing takes some time, and I still think of him often, but I hope you'll find comfort and closure soon.

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    1. Oh Amanda, I am so sorry to hear that. It's an awful thing to go through and yours sounds nothing short of traumatic. Thank you ever so kindly for your sweet words. Things are looking up now x

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