A Bar Rant

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It ‘s time for a little controversy on this darling blog of mine. Usually this is a place for me to become inspired and spread a little positivity. But lately I have been ticking away on the inside and so it’s time to vent.

I’m going to start by saying that in general, I love my job. I am a bartender at a little hotel where I get to work with some top people. During the week it is my pleasure to serve discount lunch to seniors and give the tired tradie a beer before he heads home at the end of the day. But soon enough the weekend rolls around and this mentality starts to shift. I do my very best to start my Friday and Saturday nights in high spirits, and it often works and carries me through an awesome night making great tasting cocktails and meeting new people. But behind every second pleasant customer is a rude one. You may contend that it’s my job to deal with rude customers, what with being in the service industry and all, and I agree. And usually my thick skin can deal with whatever the patron throws at me… But like anything, if something is thrown at you enough, eventually it’s going to beat you down.

So this is a message to the patron. Listen up!

1. I don’t know which part of ‘Bartender’ can possibly be construed as ‘personal slave’. Yes I understand we work in the service industry, and the whole point of us being there is to serve you drinks. But walking on up and demanding service from us, banging on the bar or waving your $20 in my face is just rude. In fact, it’s so rude that I will probably take a little longer to serve you.

2. I understand that at times the bar queue can be quite long, and the wait seems even longer. But when you get to the front and I ask “what can I get you”, please for the love of God do not answer with “um”. We don’t serve Um’s. Similarly, if you then turn to your mates and say “what were we having?” you are a moron. You just had five minutes to think about it!!!

3. If you order one drink, and I ask you “is that all” and you respond with “yes”, but your girlfriend next to you then says “just the same”, I am going to be annoyed.

4. Please stop saying “a schooner of beer” when you order. I have beers in bottles and a range of beers on tap. They are right there in front of your face. I will forgive you once, but do it again and you are tempting me to pour you a mixture of every beer I have available. Enjoy that great taste.

5. For those of you who do know which beer you would like, please stop pointing to the tap when I ask for your order. I used my mouth to ask you, the least you can do is respond with some words.

6. “Vodka Lemon Lime and Soda” does not exist. It’s one or the other.

7. We also don’t sell ‘Jim Beans’ or ‘Corollas’. Idiots.

8. Oh and while I’m on the topic, my phone number isn’t for sale either.

9. Just because you can’t hear anything in your drunken state doesn’t mean my hearing is impaired. Please stop yelling at me.

10. I don’t at all mind making complicated drinks during peak time. But when you order one at a time, just as I’m coming to the end of the first complicated one, and then wonder why it is taking so long, I’m going to be annoyed. You’ll have to wait longer. The dude behind you has to wait longer. And then I have to deal with a string of frustrated people. If you can remember the entire round in your state, then chances are I’m going to remember it better than you.

11. And finally, just because you know my name does not mean that we are friends. No I will not let you cut the line. No I will not give you double shots. And no I will not give you free drinks.

Point is, at the end of the day, I have left everyone I enjoy being with on the weekend to go to work and serve you, so you can have a great night out with your friends. I’m not asking for any sympathy here, but maybe just a little bit of respect. You’ll find that it goes a very long way.

With that being said however, I have never been happier to be taking the rest of the weekend off for a mini road trip, and next weekend off for an even bigger getaway!

P.S. In case you were wondering what tipped me over the edge... Last night I finished up a pretty good night on the bar, nothing too dramatic happened apart from the standard drunk chicks crying and mess everywhere. Both easy fixed. But then I walked out to my car to drive home and realised that someone had either fallen into it or jumped on it. Because now I have no side mirror and a significant amount of dents! So I pretty much worked that shift for free. Thanks.